The hardest part of each day for me is waking up and getting the day started. I generally wake up in the foggy state of high anxiety or deep depression. The feelings usually kick in after the first 5 minutes of staring at my phone, scrolling through Instagram, then facebook, then checking my email, then Facebook, then back to Instagram to try and take cute selfies in bed, then back to my email, and the cycle usually leaves me feeling anxious and deep into my repressed feelings. There have been mornings when I have paced around the house without a clue what to do. After having checked all the emails and social media notifications, After clouding my mind with Mary Jane, my soul still craved for something more.
It is interesting how it is not always easy to practice what you teach. To create new morning rituals and to break the old cycle has been a goal of mine for a while now. The way that we wake up and start each day has a huge effect on our overall health. From what you eat, to the rituals you create; these things help to place yourself into a state of balance, love, and happiness. However, if you wake up in a state of imbalance, fear, and sadness, it may be time for a change.
After deep observation, I discovered me and Mary Jane are not morning companions at all. The effects caused me to be too drowsy in the morning when I needed to be awake. I became lazy and completing all my tasks felt relatable to climbing Everest. My mood was down, my brain was foggy, and my day could only be rescued by taking a nap or intake of copious amounts of caffeine. This was my morning ritual, and yes I found ways to function in these sluggish states, I wondered "why be sluggish and lethargic when you can be energized and hardworking". To make the transition and at times I still make mistakes, I learned not to over judge myself but to just take notice and observe.
What I found was when I started my day with movement and mindfulness instead of scrolling and mindlessness; my feelings became easier to balance. Living on the Southside of Richmond is a pure treat that I had taken advantage of for months. With access to nature trails, parks, the river, and so much more; here I am sulking over a blend of tobacco and Mary Jane, sleeping my mornings away, and feeling too lazy to get all my work done. I was looking for energy in the morning, yet I would allow my old ways of being to drain it all away. They say you should wake up with more energy then you had when you went to bed. What was I doing wrong? Why not wake up and brew some tea? Why not read a book and check your phone later or do some yoga or go for a walk? It all seemed easier said than done, but I knew that one day, it would come to an end.
What was it that I was so afraid of that I could not crack this code to a life more satisfying, a life easily within my reach. What I eventually discovered was that I had made this negative way of starting each day, a ritual. I had embedded waking up and scrolling through my phone as muscle memory, waking up and getting stoned as sacred, and waking up to fall back to sleep became normalized. What you may regard to as sacred may change over time, and what you indulge in will eventually catch up with you.
When I finally had enough, I thought to just rid myself of everything the got into the way of my success, soon to find out that I needed to replace these morning rituals with rituals that are more in my vibrational alignment. When you are working to be at a higher level of consciousness, the things that no longer serve you will fall to the wayside so long as you are aware and doing the work needed to get you where you need to go. I started slowly by telling myself that I am safe, I am here, and I am loved. I started to believe more in my ability to allow myself to be successful.
If you resonate at all with what I'm posting, Start to tell yourself these things and just take notice of your morning behaviors. What do you have the power to change and what is out of your control? Try to invite a friend over a few days a week to help get your day started more peacefully. Maybe do some yoga, meditation, or share some time to drink tea and read together. I am thankful for my friend Rain for showing me that we do not need to do everything alone. That we need each other and to love each other is a step towards divine unity! So, if you wake up like I do, deeply worried about the past or future, foggy minded and jaded; why not look to observe the ways you feel when you start to break some of the cycles and create new ones. Treat each day as a new adventure and be patient with yourself. They say nature does not hurry, yet still, all things are accomplished.